I feel rather silly posting personal stuff on tumblr, but I really don’t know where else I can do it. (And since only a few people actually follow me, it’s really not that big of a deal.) I’ve reached my wits end with some of my residents on hall; I tried to go to sleep at midnight, but have been jostled from sleep 3 times by 3 different subgroups of my frustrators, yelling and screaming outside my window, having conversations so loudly that I can hear every word that they say (even though my air conditioner is running). I had really hoped that this semester would be different, but it hasn’t shown any signs of improving. I’ve developed migraines that I directly attribute to the stress that this job has caused. I’m just so tired.
Also, while trying to lull myself back to sleep, looking at facebook on my phone, a young man with whom I was talking over the summer popped up on my minifeed. I noticed that his girlfriend was no longer in his profile picture, so I clicked through to check in on him. Mind you, things with him were never really closed in a satisfactory manner. We went back to school, he stopped talking to me, and I noticed one day that he was in a relationship on facebook. Then shortly before Christmas, he messaged me to see how I was doing. I checked and, yes, he was still in a relationship, so I responded that I was doing well, thanks. Very shortly into the conversation I asked him why he’d messaged me. It didn’t make sense to me at all, and I was not fond of feeling like the other woman (even though he had just asked after my well-being); I’d been down that road before, and it’s lined with self-loathing and regret. He responded to my question, saying that he remembered how much he enjoyed talking to me and that he missed me. I didn’t respond to that because I could think of no proper way to respond. Anyway, back to tonight. I clicked through to his page, and I saw the “ADD FRIEND” button. I was confused, thinking that we were friends, I didn’t need to “ADD” him as my “FRIEND.” So I clicked on his info, and sure enough, it is only available to his “FRIENDS.” The beautiful irony of it is that, even though he “UNFRIEND”ed me, I’m still subscribed to him. Who knows how long its been since he “UNFRIEND”ed me. I’ve been passing over his status updates and likes and pictures like I do everyone else’s. As if I weren’t feeling alone enough in the world, especially with respect to my relations with young men. Thanks.